Napping, Cluedo and the Wrong Number

As I know I will be spending most of my time in front of a Mac when I start work tomorrow I have been really trying to stay off my computer until then. (Needless to say this post is a bit of a mess of things - apologies!) I have devoured all but one of the Sookie Stackhouse novels that I got for Christmas (the last is nearly finished too), ate a LOT of Quality Streets (all but the fruity ones) and spent this weekend with my boyfriend.

We seem to have spent most of it napping or "resting our eyes"; I dread to think what I'll be like next week after my first full week back at work in over a year. On Saturday that was very useful as he had made me spend what felt like hours in Boardwise trying to select a pair of snowboarding trousers and I was exhausted. Of course, he brought the ones I had suggested about 10 minutes in.

We did go to see Girl with the Dragon Tattoo... nobody told me it was a who-dunnit, it reminded of a big game of Cluedo. Maybe that's because last Sunday I played a lot of Cluedo with my sisters, tipsy mother (who had only two small glasses of red wine) and one of her dogs. Oscar just couldn't help but poke his nose in...

Guardian Soulmates and Short Men

I have read many of Caleb's tales of dating sites and laughed out loud.  However, this week humorous online dating escapades came up in the office.  At Fused Magazine one of the lovely girls that works there decided to log onto Guardian Soulmates and regale us with the stories of freaks that have contacted her.

She apparently chose Guardian Soulmates because the people on there aren't as stupid and they're often quite creative...perfect for her then.  She put in her requests, the main one being they have to be over 6ft tall, and has since had a multitude of very random responses.  One being a telling off because she only wanted someone over 6ft tall when she herself is only 5ft 4.  The man doing the telling off was 5ft 8 or something so didn't see why she needed someone taller than that.  I fear though that his height may have been an issue for him otherwise he wouldn't have been so touchy about it.  I predict he was really about 5ft 6, max, and fed of being ruled out by women.

Women like someone taller than them.  What's more, they want someone that is taller than them in 6 inch platform heels.  They may never wear 6 inch platform heels but they want the option.  That's not too much to expect.  I'm lucky, boy is definitely over 6ft.  He was 6ft when I met him but, spectacularly, I think he's still growing.  It's just one of those things for women.  Yes we have been known to fall in love with short men but it is rarely the preference.

Really though, the point is that you should not shout at someone you don't know on a dating site because they want someone taller than you.  This isn't right.  What also isn't right is signing up when you're married to find someone to swing with.  No, no, no.  Oh, and you probably shouldn't tell someone: "I would like to meet with you for coffee and chat.  We can have intellegent chat and smiles whilst we gaze into each others eyes."  Pass the sick bucket...

I wonder how people use Guardian Soulmates (other dating sites are available) in a realistic setting.  There seem to be a lot of idiots on them, even on the posh ones meant for smart and creative people.  So how does it work realistically?  Do you plow through hundreds of weirdos and then finally just settle for someone half normal?  Or should I just be signing up now just to have a good laugh when I'm feeling down and ignoring them when I'm a lonely old cat lady? After all, at Fused we came up with many tales of swingers, short men, perverts, S&M hotels and many many more things...all prompted by Guardian Soulmates.  So, thanks Guardian for providing some laughs.

Couple Dressing

I don't know if this is a common thing but the other day at the pub I couldn't help but declare I was worried because whenever I see the boy we're dressed the same.  Whether it's colours/material/pattern it has happened every time I've seen him for the last few weeks...we don't plan it.  In fact we mostly get dressed at different times/in different places completely unaware until we're both dressed.

I remarked on this unusual occurance the first few times and he laughed and brushed it off....until I went to stay with him in Leeds and his flatmate went "awww how sweet, you match."  We looked at each other and that was it then, I could see it had settled in with him and he wasn't too happy about it.  That evening when we both walked into the living room in red shoes, and red shoes aren't common, he went "we've done it again."  We went out for food, returned to his flat to meet friends before going out and he actually got changed.  It amused me that he was concerned about couple imitation.

Turns out this isn't an odd thing.  When I brought it up amongst friends apparently it's happened to them too and it's always uncomfortable.  Has this happened to you?  Is this a universal thing?  You see, I found it quite comforting, I liked the idea that we had some form of psychic connection/inherent ability to coordinate with each other in the most basic of ways...maybe that makes me strange.  Should I be forcing the boy into his room to change rather than just laughing about it?

Celebrities are mocked/praised because of it, fashion magazines ask whether this 'Couple Dressing' is trendy and photographers point out the irony of two people 'fitting' style wise... I found an entire collection in Reclarkgable's Behance portfolio called Couples.  The images were so apt and so good, what with each photograph using the same models and the same poses just with some fabulous styling.  Here are a selection that make my point perfectly.

The Human Heart

I found this image on The Maison Happiness, home to Licia Floria's blog.  There's so much more to the human body than we think.  Some think love it a chemical reaction but I like the idea that there is more to the human body than meets the eye.

Oddly enough the blog post was entitled A Wolf at the Door and this image was paired with that of a young girl having a tea party with a wolf.  This is a good representation of what love can be like...a wolf playing nice until it turns and you can be left heartbroken.

Luckily for me "romantic possibilities" section of my heart has taken over lately, but...and here's the tedious link...if the "broken/shattered area of regret/tragedy" area of your heart has gone into overdrive check out Kissed Lot's Of Frogs, which launches today!  Read about it here...

"The Talk"

"The Talk"....it is the universal reference to two people sitting down and discussing where things are going.  My friends consistently mock me for my aversion (cowerdice) when it comes to having "The Talk" myself.  Needless to say, as I sit here watching How I Met Your Mother's "Definitions" episode I can't help but laugh as it seems I am not the only one.  It is clearly such a universal issue an entire episode of a comedy is dedicated to it.

So how do you overcome the fear of "The Talk"?  God knows.  I definitely don't have a clue.

Any ideas?  Anyone?  Thought not.

Dating Diaries

For the past four years my love life has pretty much only included one person, with others thrown in to our mix not really lasting very well.  That's why it's unlikely you'll hear of any wonderful/horrendous first dates.  In fact, my latest date was with that very same boy...we went to Ironbridge, saw the bridge, discussed the newleyweds having their pictures taken, had some food and went home.  Not exactly blogworthy.

It is probably for this reason that I find dating blogs so amusing.  They are popping up everywhere.  If not dating, at least love/relationship based.  From Kissed Lots of Frogs and Notes from the Dating Trenches to The Loves and Life of a London Girl and Tales from the Tower women are blogging about their exposing their love highs and woes left right and centre.  I'm not sure I could expose myself so publically...I have tried to be all honest and diary-like on my blog before but it just feels a bit odd dealing with certain subjects.

I suppose some people gain solice in having others going through similar things there, or in the fact that they don't have similar disasters.  Really though, the most interesting dating blog I have stumbled upon so far is Plenty More Fish Out of Water.  Fishy's dating diary is not only honest and amusing but is even more poigniant because it's written by a man.  Believe me, if you worried that girls were the only ones you're wrong.  Filled with confessions, planning and rejections it is pure dating blog gold. 

Whoever the student is that lives in his building should be concerned...her rather large chest has apparently intruged him so much he's checking her mail for information.

Kissed Lots of Frogs

Break ups are always going to be difficult, made more so by certain circumstances: Are you still at school together? Are you friends/have the same friends? What happens when they start to see someone else? What if the reason you broke up was because they already were seeing someone else?

Even if, like one of the girls at work, you just weren't feeling the spark break ups are still hard...despite it being you doing the breaking up!  I remember my first proper break up well.  After breaking up three or four times he cut his losses and decided to go our with my best friend.  I was gutted.  And 13.

Remembering this is what makes me think new website Kissed Lots of Frogs is going to be amazing.  I don't know all that much about it, only what @kissedfrogs twitter tells me.  It is a fun, light hearted website to help teenagers and people in their early 20's to go through a break up..."Sell your stuff, fitness plan, fashion blog etc...its going to make you laugh!"

I'm not sure how Kissed Lots of Frogs is going to manage to attract both of these age ranges.  Teenagers need a place to rant, an advice how then to look astoundingly good at school and how to make the boy jealous.  That's what they want to hear anyway, whether this advice will work is another matter.  What people in their early 20's want is a support group to stop them relapsing and giving in when the ex is actually just no good for them, probably a foolproof diet to lose 20 pounds and maybe a way to meet new people.

Needless to say if this site succeeds I'll regret not having it before.  Let's be honest anyone going through a break up could do with a laugh! Kissed Lots of Frogs will launch on Monday May 31st.

Commitment Phobia hits the UK

A friend of mine recently laid out a whole list of wonderful things that her boyfriend does.  Then followed it up by saying that she wasn't sure they should even be together any more.  Despite only being 21 she claimed that now people are settling down.  They're moving in together, getting mortgages, getting engaged and actually going through with getting married.  It's scary stuff.  It seems there are two sides to the coin...

One friend is planning the exact month she needs to get pregnant for it to work most in her favour in terms of work (she's a teacher) and then there's my stressful friend thinking it's not all that serious.  Could it be she's just panicking? That old "be careful what you wish for"?  Maybe.  However, she is definitely not the only one.  Even the BBC agrees!!

To get in the festive mood on February 12th the BBC published an article showing the decline of marital commitment...in perfect time for Valentines Day!  Apparently a heart shaped helium balloon is an acceptable gift but not an engagement ring.  There's statistics, with graphs even!  Really, it's downright scary if you're one of those people dead set on the perfect marriage and 2.4 children.  Thank the lord I'm not!

So...if you read this (and you know who you are)...I really wouldn't stress.  It looks like a whole nation is getting anxious over this expectation that you should grow up, get married and live happily ever after.

Be my Valentine

My friend hates Valentines Day.  Always has.  One problem this year...after crossing off Valentines day as soon as the diary was purchased she now has to celebrate it.  Slightly difficult when all you've done for years is literally wiped it from the calendar as a none day.

This day Valentines is on a Sunday and for my perfect day here is what I would like:
1. Some sembelance of warm.  By no means must it rain/snow/hail or be windy.
2. A quaint walk through the countryside.
3. A surprise picnic...complete with wicker basket, champagne, strawberries and blanket.  This blanket can then be wrapped around me when I get very cold in...
4...This outfit...

Bliss.

That, my friend, is how to celebrate Valentines Day.  Well, apart from the outfit, it's not really very you is it?  Just in case her boyfriend ever ends up reading this, dig out the wicker basket.  She likes the countryside.  Opt for a listed estate so you can head indoors, visit an art gallery and cuddle around hot chocolate if the cold air is too much...because let's be honest, in February my perfect day is pretty much entirely impractical.

ps...I forgot to mention that the Marabou feather bag is from Oasis and in my haste to delete the image I now can't change it.  Oops.  It is beautiful and will fit across the body...big enough to squidge in some high heels to transfer to night time! Perfect for adding a bit of fun and texture...but you already know I love feathers.

"I did something bad."

I am not an angel, my love life is dire at the best of times and I can strop like a small child when I don't get my own way.  I know this.  My friends know this.  I don't then understand really why they listen to a bloody thing I say....Twice within four days I have been told "I did something bad.  Please don't shout at me."

This suggests that I am a fountation of knowledge.  At university a lovely friend would say all too often "you're so wiiise."  With a 'why' to the wise.  I can give out the best advice.  I definitely cannot follow it. 

So, whether you want to confuse a previously platonic relationship or risk dodgy post-relationship awkwardness at work then that's fine.  I've warned you to the best of my abilities.  Yes, you have been bad...but haven't we all.  Just don't forget what Stefenie Meyer wrote...and please forgive me for quoting Twilight!..."love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They're more like sparring partners."

Today I went on an outing to complete the dreaded Christmas present purchases with my lovely ex-boyfriend and his even more lovely mother.  (Yes, I am aware this sounds odd.  So what.)  We got in the car,  me in the front and his mom in the back (she sees the front seat as the death seat, I am not really rude) and persisted to bicker about everything.  As always.  It's all in jest but we can't help ourselves.  It goes a bit like this:

C (him): "Oh look.  There's a bird of prey."
L (me): "What kind of bird of prey?"
C: "I don't know."
L: "Why not?"
C: "Because then I'd be some kind of loser bird enthusiast and you wouldn't be my friend."
L: "I'd be your friend if you were a bird loser."
C: "No you wouldn't."
L: "Why not."
C: "Because you wouldn't."
E (his mom): "Do you know where your going?"
C: "Yes."
L: "Sure?"
C: "Yes."
L: "It's cold."
C: "No it's not."
...later on...
E: "You two are like an old married couple."
L: No we're not.  Are we? (Worried!)
C: Nah, course not.
L: That's alright then.

The only problem with this is I think his mom is right.  Later, when meeting one of his aunts for the first time, the question was raised: "Is this Chris' girlfriend?"  His mother's response could not have been more brilliant.  "No, they argue too much for her to be his girlfriend, they're more like sparring partners."  Whilst essentially correct I always though the fact our argumental sides could keep up with each other was a good thing...not one to be the reason we weren't together.  Oh well.  Never mind.  Bring on the sparring.

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder...

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder...in fact I'm pretty convinced it just pisses it off.  The concept sounds all romantic and lovely but actually for any relationship...apart maybe from your parents...it's just inpractical.

During the summer my friends and I were discussing one particular rather disasterous 21st (not mine) and decided to redo it.  I suggested us all redoing our 21st's and disregarding the fact we will actually be turning 22 in this next academic year.  My theory behind this was that everyone had problems regarding time/money/distance that prevented proper celebrations. 

I was shunned by one particular friend who said "well you didn't bother coming home for anyones 21st.  Considering I worked 24/7 (it paid off I got a first!) and had no money really I think this is a ridiculous thing to be annoyed by.  It just makes me think bollocks, I won't be making an effort on your 22nd.  Now I find my relationships with uni friends rather lacklustre and it's sad.

I recall my relationship with one particular man (though it's odd calling him that as he was a boy when I met him four years ago) that struggled ridiculously.  Now we're apart, I'm single and we speak more than ever.  When we see each other it means even more.  We're doing it not out of duty but because we care and we want to.  Some days I wonder maybe we'll ever get the chance to give it another go.  Then he tells me he's going glacier skiing for a month during his meager six week summer break.

Some things just aren't meant to work out.  Absence inevitably just leaves you pining.  I live in hope one day someone will prove worthy enough and we will close the gap.  Live within the same city.  Or even the same county.  More than anything I hope my lovely Prestonian friends will still be my friends when I next see them despite weeks/months/years of time apart.

I may be a bit shit with contact but that doesn't mean I don't care....it just means that one particular man has meant I now have no free text messages left.  Bugger.

The Disney Effect

Last night I went to see Disney on Ice Princess Wishes.  Yes, I am aware I'm 21.  Plenty of people my age are desperate for an excuse to go but I actually have one...three younger siblings.  I took my two sisters (leaving my brother at home because he just can't sit still) and we boarded one of four coaches (yes four...all just for one of 4 schools in the village) to Birmingham's NIA.

As soon as I stepped off the coach I knew I was in trouble.  The girls' eyes lit up and all they wanted was for me to buy them things.  Things that spin, things that glow, light up bunny ears...and then we got inside and it got worse.  After spending £45 on two cuddly toys and some candy floss (that was £6.50 and came with a crown complete with Minnie Mouse ears) the show started.

My sisters and I at Disney on Ice

Holly's eyes lit up.  At four she found it unbelievable to see all these magical Disney characters on ice.  In fact she actually asked me "is that really ice?"  Of course I assured her it was but she still asked me again... From Snow White to Mulan the princesses and their princes conquered evil and fell in love in their designated ten minutes each.

Holly loved it and refused to close her eyes when Cinderella (the last princess) came onto the stage, despite just admitting to wanting a nap.  I got cuddles and big smiles and about three times she told me she loved me.  I think she was happy I took her don't you?  She clung on to her Minnie Mouse cuddly toy, making her clap when we clapped, and kept that crown on the entire time as she sat good as gold.  In fact, on the coach she fell asleep in the crown, which slipped down over her eyes.  I had decided to wait for the others to get off first allowing my Mom time to arrive before waking Holly up, allowing every mother that got off the coach to see her asleep in her crown, everyone went "awwww" or smiled.  I had made Holly happy and she'd fallen asleep exhausted but with a big smile.

I thought about this though as my sisters slept on the coach and I began to worry about what Disney was actually teaching them.  I recalled a group on Facebook, Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love.  This group currently has 128,025 members worldwide.  There's another more recent group called Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations Of Men...they have over 9,000 members already!  This isn't an issue then just for me!  In fact my friend at university often commented on the fact that relationships don't happen like they do in the films, exclaiming one day: "I watched the Little Mermaid when I was at home, my mum got it me on DVD for Christmas, doesn't bloody happen like that does it?"

Well no, no it doesn't.  My mom, cute as a button, told me last night that I am her princess and that I will find my prince one day.  Well if they're only going to let me down I really don't mind waiting awhile.  Sadly I think we've lost Holly already...maybe I'll have to explain to her how things really are when she gets a bit older.  For the next ten years I'll let her dream.  Megan on the other hand, at 11, has a shock coming...

Holly, lost to the magic...

Love is like a cup...

I was reading a Laurell K. Hamilton book today and one metaphor has remained in my mind all day: "Love, whether it's friendship or more, is like a cup.  It fills drop by drop, until one last drop and the cup is full.  The liquid hangs there almost above the rim, hangs there on the surface tension alone, and you can feel that one more drop and it will still over."

Basic but perfect.

"I don't like the person I have become."

I answered the phone today and was greeted by a very lonely voice.  Of course my friend assured me that nothing was wrong...for 20 minutes.  Then she admitted to viewing her ex boyfriends Facebook.  His comment in regards to becoming single again: "Shit happens."

Clearly yes, shit does happen...often in the form of Facebook.  In the dating world Facebook can be the answer to all your prayers or the worst hell imaginable.  I cannot count the number of people...ok lets be honest women...that have declared Facebook to be the devil.  For several reasons in particular:

1. Everyone knows, and usually comments, on your breakup when "Single" pops up by your name.  What's worse is that at one point that was accompanied by a broken heart, I'm not sure that still happens.  I believe Facebook realised the cruelty in this.

2. You are, of course, friends with your ex and can then see every event, link, wall post or picture that comes up.  Therefore you can see that they're having a good time without you.

3. Pictures of your ex boyfriend with a new girl appear...often accompanied by funny funny people commenting things like "Awww."  For your information when you are also friends with his ex girlfriend this is not fucking wise.  In fact, girls have been known to become overwhelmed with nasty thoughts about girls they previously loved.

4. Suddenly your ex is in a relationship with someone else.  'Luke Smith is now in a relationship with Sarah Taylor" (also known as 'that girl' by many) pops into the news feed accompanied by a picture of the happy couple.

Argh.....and if that isn't enough to make almost every girl want to tear their hair out (even if they no longer like this boy) many girls begin then to dislike themselves.  A dear friend of mine, who was always completely secure in herself, admitted to losing who she really is.  This is not a rarity.  These aspects can make a girl jealous, insecure, unwanted, generally massively screwed up.  The reason for this is simple...to be unhappy without a boyfriend is not a good way to be.  Suddenly you're the girl you poked fun at whilst at school....you know the one, they go one boy to the next or constantly crying when drunk and running out of parties.

So on the phone she declared: "I don't like the person I have become.  This girl isn't fun, she mopes around, she's either a recluse or shes blindingly drunk.  I don't like this girl, she's not who I want to be."  Well I'd like to say I have a solution but I don't.  One thing I do know is that in a break up Facebook is pretty evil.  So don't look at his Facebook, don't go on Facebook at all or even delete your account if it's causing that much trouble.  Just please God don't sit looking at that broken heart, at their smiling faces or his friends comments about how wonderful things currently are.  Go cold turkey and get back into the real world.  Especially if you're friends with me...because with a phone calls notice I can be waiting with some chilled white wine and a spare bed for sleepovers after a night out.

"As a man sows so let him reap."

Last night I recieved a text from a very good friend of mine. It read: "Am I the only one who wonders whether you'll ever get the feeling of butterflies in your stomach with a new boy? I haven't felt it in so long and honestly I miss it."

In response I assured her that she was not the only one. In fact, my dad had only hours previously told me that I would never meet anyone to rival my ex because I was in love with him. Now I do believe I never said those three little words, even admitted them to myself let alone to anyone else.

Today, for probably the thousandth time, I sat down to read The Importance of Being Earnest. Oscar Wilde writes:

Cecily: I wish Uncle Jack would allow that unfortunate young man, his brother, to come down here sometimes. We might have a good influence over him, Miss Prism. I am sure you certainly would. You know German, and geology, and things of that kind influence a man very much.

Miss Prism: I do not think that even I could produce any effect on a character that according to his own brother's admission is irretreivably weak and vacillating. Indeed I am not sure I would desire to reclaim him. I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people in a moment's notice. As a man sows so let him reap.

With this post I wish to remind my dear friend that butterflies are not always what they are cracked up to be. For in my experience they inevitably are replaced with other feelings along the way...not all of which are good. I recall the ending of her last relationship, and indeed mine, as a prime example of why she should not rush into anything else. As many people in this day and age do she dealt with issues of her own, whilst attempting to nurse those of her partner. I believe the best way forward is to embrace such a challenging time, to be on your own and to enjoy it. For I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning emotionally challenged modern men into open and affectionate characters. We are, after all, only 21.